Some days are destined to be different from the regular days but life is such a smart thing that you won’t get the slightest of an idea when that day arrives. Nothing is right or wrong about them; it’s just the time that set them apart. Sometimes you keep trying in different ways, some direct and some indirect but you don’t achieve it and sometimes you just go to live that moment whatever it is and you conquer it all.
8:45 a.m. in the morning, my phone vibrated. It was her whatsapp. I wasn’t expecting it, yes, I wasn’t expecting it at all because in the last 5 years she had only replied to the messages I had initiated. I wanted to carry that same arrogance sometimes but whenever I see her name I become more a puppy than a man. She wanted to meet. Really? Today? What does she think I’ve no work or what? But on the second thought, I was more excited about the fact that the day has finally arrived after 6 years, when she is actually meeting me. No matter what she’s still my ex-girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend…. Wow is this really a relationship that deserves so much weightage or may be the person deserves that weightage or may be just I think that she deserves that weightage. I really don’t care what it should be or what not be. All I really care about was, this moment. In these past 6 years I have rehearsed more than 1000 times for this moment and now it’s just a couple of hours away if I say yes to her for this meeting.
I replied in affirmation to her meeting’s proposal but I really did not want to get out of the bed. I just wanted to think and day dream about this meeting. I wanted to plan it so perfectly that nothing goes wrong this time and infact this meeting should actually undo the past. All these feelings were not strange at all but all this was happening after so many years. It was a total recap of my feelings and the past. I wanted to be happy to have experienced this again but somewhere was afraid too accepting these. I did not know if these feelings and thoughts that are flooding my mind belong to me or just a delusion of the dream world that have been always under construction even since its inception. At last, I got up from the bed to get ready for the real thing.
We decided to meet at the same restro where we used to sit for hours. Actually I wanted the same venue because that’s where I have rehearsed for this perfect moment for years, in my dreams. I reached the restaurant 15 minutes before time to actually feel that excitement and all those feelings which were there when we were together. Like it used to be, she called up to tell me that she have reached and just paying the auto-wallah. This call has always been the heart-beat fastener for me since ages. I don’t know how to explain that feeling in the moment when something you have loved the most in life is heading towards you and yet not in front of you. That nervousness with lots of happiness and excitement is really a killing combination of feelings. My eyes were stuck on the mirror wall in front of me which gives me the view of the entrance of the restro. The moment was at the maximum 60 seconds away and every time the restro door opened my heart skipped a beat. I really can’t explain in words how it feels but hoping that everybody who reads it would have probably experienced this someday, somewhere.
Finally the door opened and I saw her reflection in the mirror wall. I have been madly waiting for this since 6 years. She saw me in the mirror and smiled. As she was approaching to the table where I was sitting, all I was doing was clearing my throat of all the emotions to be able to speak. She could notice that and without saying a word she gestured for the handshake. She did not say a word for 10 seconds to give me time to settle that upsurge of emotional hormones or maybe she too could have been going through the same. Though between both of us, she have always been the stronger and composed.
And then, I gained my senses and said ‘Hi’. She smiled and asked ‘how are you?’ to that I just nodded and smiled back. I did not want to talk, eat or drink and just wanted to feel her around me. But to break that silent awkwardness she started to talk and the conversation got going. I was replying to her but somewhere my mind was in some form of trance where I just wanted this to go on and on, like forever. Suddenly some words fell on my ears and it wasn’t her voice. It was a tall and handsome guy standing beside me raising his hand for a hand shake and awaiting my reaction. As soon as my hand reached his hand, I heard her introducing him to me as her fiance.
I don’t remember my reaction or anything after that as my mind took a leap from an age to another and may be missing the moments transitioning in between. All that I was left with was the realization, that this world does not live in those dreams I have rehearsed a thousand times but I have been continuously living in those illusions and have never came out of those false images. Today I have realised that even the waiters are not same as they used to be in my dreams.
On the way back home I could hear vehicle horns, laughter of children playing in the park and I could feel the breeze. A tear rolled down my cheek but I wasn’t sad, I knew I have been released.