You and I, in this beautiful world..

Part 1 begins:

It was an unusual Saturday, since morning nothing was going the way it should be. Things were just not perfect or not even close to being perfect. Above all there was a strange feeling, something like anxiety. I was just praying that everything should remain well with all my dear ones. But obviously like always my intuition was right. It was 6 p.m. in the evening, I got a call from a STD number and the voice on the other side seemed like of a middle aged lady. “Is this Rahul?” she said. “Yes, who are you aunty?” I replied. “Rahul, I’m your friend Rohan’s mother. He is in the hospital, battling for his life.” She said sobbing. I was shocked for a moment. Though Rohan and me were very good friends at the time of college but somehow after college we weren’t able to keep it too well between us. “What happened to him aunty?” I replied. “He tried to commit suicide….and…” she said but with a pause. “What?? Suicide??..” I screamed. In a fraction of a second, pictures of lively Rohan began flashing before my eyes. He was someone so full of life and energy. He was someone who can always make you feel the positive side of even in the gravest of situations. “He wants to meet you Rahul.. I don’t know how tough it will be for you to come here but this is the wish of my dyeing son..” came the voice from other side of the phone. I could listen to her sobs, sobs of a helpless mother. “I am coming aunty..” I replied and a drop of tear falls off my eyes.
I did not have time to think and in the next one hour I was in my flight to Goa, Rohan’s town is 1 hour drive away from Goa. Throughout my journey I was awestruck by the fact that Rohan, whom we always used to see as someone who is very strong and never lets his emotions, overpower his brain, tried committing suicide. Even though he was on a wheelchair but one could never see the signs of distress on his face. Rohan, I knew was surely someone who used to fill life in everything around him.
Straight from the airport I rushed to the hospital where Rohan was admitted. The moment I saw Rohan, tears start flowing from my eyes. In front of me was lying my one of my closest friend and a wonderful soul. He was sleeping because of the tranquilizers that were given to him. I really felt bad about all these years after college where we didn’t put so much effort to keep it going. I was feeling guilty, somehow because may be Rohan could not have taken this step if he could have a friend to share his deepest feelings and fears. I asked Rohan’s mom but even she did not know the reason for Rohan’s extreme step. I promised myself that I’ll go to the root cause of this and will do everything to help my friend come out of it.
The next morning I decided to go to Rohan’s cottage. It was a lovely small cottage in the vicinity of back waters. I was thinking that how someone who lives surrounded by such natural beauty decided to end his life. Rohan used to live alone in this cottage, some 50 Kms away from the place where his parents live. While interconnecting all the instances from Rohan’s disconnection with friends’ group after college to living away from his parents, showed that there was something in his life that he didn’t want anyone to know or may be he wanted a secretive life. I got even more curious now. I entered his cottage and to my surprise it was well organised and neat. In the corner was a laptop and one can easily see the blood drops around the laptop table. Somehow my sixth sense was forcing me to check his laptop. I did not know why but a strong feeling was suggesting me that Rohan’s laptop holds the key to his suicide attempt.
I logged on to his laptop and welcomed by a very beautiful wallpaper of a girl, with a lovely smile on her face. It was not a clicked picture but a sketch drawn by someone who is passionate. On the desktop screen I found a word doc file named as ‘You and I, in this beautiful world..’. As soon as I saw this file I knew that this will take me to the core of this whole episode.
Part 2 begins:
As soon as I opened the file ‘You and I,….’ on Rohan’s laptop I was gripped by a strange feeling. I started reading and with every sentence, I was taken to a different world all together. The whole document was about Rohan and a girl’s conversation and trust me this document ran into 300 something pages. It seemed like Rohan had preserved all his talks, meetings and conversations with that girl in this document. I was so stunned by Rohan’s passion for this girl. After reading a few pages of the document I reached this page where the conversation between them thrown me out of my chair. It goes like this.
Rohan: You promised me that you’ll never leave me and now you’re saying we can’t be together…why????
Shreya: I agree Rohan that we’d promised to live together always but please try to understand that our worlds are so different. Neither I can be part of your world nor you can be mine. Please understand, it had to end one day.
Rohan: Please don’t go away. Why can’t we live like this always? I can’t imagine even a single day without you. I’ve spent last 5 years of my life just with you in this cottage, away from everyone. I have shared every aspect of my life with you. You can’t go like this.
Shreya: Nothing can stop me now Rohan and you know I’m just your imagination and it will not take you long to get rid of a thought.
Rohan: When it started you were just a thought I agree but as it grew further, I’ve given you a face, a character and for me you’re not merely a thought now. You’re someone I live with. You’ve become a part of my life and it’s just too difficult now to let you go out of my mind. Ok, if you want to then go but it will not end this way. It will end with an end to me.

I was dumbstruck when I read this part of the conversation. It means there was no one like Shreya really existed in Rohan’s life. I was confused, how he portrayed this character in his mind and was even conversing with it for the past 5 years. I rushed to a psychiatrist immediately and showed her that document.
Doctor told me that these are the symptoms of ‘Schizophrenia’ a rare mental disorder in which the patient cooks up an imaginary characters. And they imagine and feel it so strongly that they eventually would start believing that they’re actually living with that character, they cooked up. When I asked the reason for this, doctor explained me that there is not any particular reason but yes one’s life’s aspirations if not achieved can take this form. Sometimes a person is so attached to his idea or aspiration that he can’t accept it’s failure and starts imagining it in real life. And sometimes one’s life’s deficiency can trigger this. Even though the patient in these type of cases sub consciously knows that they’re just imagining but they still give in to this because their imaginary world behaves the way they want it to. While listening to the doctor I could relate that why Rohan chose this world as his world because given his physical conditions may be he could not see his life’s aspirations coming true in reality.
I took doctor with me to the hospital where Rohan was admitted. As I entered the room I looked at Rohan and couldn’t stop my tears. I hugged him tightly and could see a smile on his face. Rohan asked me, “How is Shreya? Is she coming to meet me?” I looked at the doctor and then Rohan and replied firmly, “She met with a bloody accident Rohan….and is no more..” Listening to these words, Rohan started crying like a 5 year old kid whose toy got broken. But then this was very much necessary to kill that character.
I also deleted the wallpaper on Rohan’s desktop because that used to remind me of Shreya, somehow…..  


  1. for far the …
    the word i'm still in search..
    it was like i was the part of world of drawings
    I understand this and every part of it so strongly and firmly.
    I don't know which part i belong, the character in drawing or the character in real… but definitely i know this story was apart of mine, not always i feel so madly about something, it might sound insane but sanely true.
    >no wonder after the kites flying on the terrace story, so far this is my most fav. i want to see the second part of it.. I was so mersmerized by ur words that i almost ended up writing a poem on this.. shall share with u soon…
    Bless you with more such gripping emotions in words!!! I cant say anything anymore to describe you how it feels.. U did u gud job, turning me speechless!!
    ~ Keep the Spark ALive as always..


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