"What if I could….." I said to myself..

“So you are leaving? Its not that I’m shattered, life goes on it does not stop for anyone, neither it will stop for you nor for me. I’m just saying I can’t bring the past back and there is no point crying for it. But look at you…..are you really leaving forever? Ohh God!!…” I said with the sinking heart. She put her fingers between mine and said “I love you but even I cannot bring that time back. We could have have been together if….this ‘if’ is the culprit..” she said and a drop of tear rolled onto her cheek. We hugged for the last time and I kept standing to see her getting disappear from my sight. This was probably the last time we met. And the very thought of losing her forever was giving me jitters. For a moment, I found myself frozen. Eventually I broke down. Aarush got the car near me and helped me getting inside and drove off to my place.

It was raining heavily but I kept windows of the car open so that Aarush would not see me crying. Brain started playing CD from very starting. I still remember the day when after the influence of 1 shot of Vodka I collected guts to send her the friends request on Facebook. Though I wanted to do that since long but fear of rejection never let me do that. And couldn’t consider myself more lucky when I got the notification within 5 minutes that she have accepted me as a friend. “Facebook friends then Chat friends and then SMSs. Finally dude you can be more than friends..” I said to myself and the feeling took my mood to a new high. 
I was lucky enough to find her on the chat very next day and I knew now nothing can stop me. 
Before this I haven’t really got a chance to talk to her but as a daily habit I used pass across her seat atleast 10 times a day..Lol..
To my surprise I found her quite open and not that ‘I’ll not utter a word’ type of personality and we got along really well. That day sitting at Costa Cafe I said “I always had a crush on you.” “Then we started talking probably at the right time.” she said with the mischievous smile. “why?” I asked. “I was not single and you would have begun a new search if you could get to know about that…hahaha..” She said laughing. “Yep, very true” I said with a wink.
We left the Cafe and started for her place as it was getting dark. I wanted this journey to go on and on but I was not that blessed and reached her home in 25 minutes. I stopped the car and at that moment an unusual warm feeling had surfaced probably in both of us, but I did not want to take any chances with this beautiful relationship that was growing at its own pace. I was taken by a surprise (could’t have been more pleasant) when she leaned towards me and hugged me and said “Good night” whispering in my ear.
And the whole night I kept thinking about everything we talked about and about the events that took place, just to figure out what’s going on between us.
All these meetings, non-stop calls, SMSs kept growing between us except one thing and that one thing was the determination to give this relationship the proper shape and name. We sometimes don’t say anything presuming that other person knows everything and expressing wouldn’t make much of a difference. And sometimes we give other superficial factors so much importance in life that we lose the track of real things and hence losing the real meaning of life. Then one thought that does the rounds and multiplies the pain is the thought of  ‘What if I could have….’ but till that time life would already come to a halt. The car came to a sudden halt, getting me back to consciousness.
I got into my room without talking to anyone on the way and ignoring some curious gazes. (DOOR SHUT!!)


  1. @ Rahul

    I like the way it starts from no-where yet shattering and ends with the questions and perception….so engaging. I like the smooth sail and real touch (FB) of the story that would connect to anyone instantly! Beautiful title just suits the well. Seriously…you have been able to clump the bunch of tiny little titling moments and peddle of emotions so well in this very tiny gesture of post. Heavy rain, Brain music, door shut hard…above all the to and fro of the moments and happy instances in between sweet lines and hard thoughts.

    Beautiful Amalgamation of emotions and thoughts!
    Felt I was watching some movie scene…
    Well done..
    Is there an extension to this one 🙂

    ~Keep the Spark ALive..


  2. I generally dont read many blogs… but this one really made me read it till end. You have the ability to hold someone so strongly with your emotions that for a moment I started imagining all this happening in front of me.
    Excellent work Rahul….. Keep up the spirits.
    1 more fan added to your blog readers list 🙂


  3. what should i say now…i mean all d ppl who have posted their views above have already said so much gud about ur writing so m left with nothing much to say about dat…
    so i preferred to say something about u…u r a great soul dude…u r a man with golden heart & it's d reason dat d thoughts which comes out of ur heart r so touching…!!!
    keep doing d great work…m looking forward for ur next post 🙂


  4. First of all I would thank @ Chandni, @ Pankaj, @ Simrat, @ Debbie, @ Bhawna, @Meena ma'm, @ Abhishek bhai, @Icchant, @ Samridhi, @ Puneet, @ Nipun, @ Vijay, @ Richa and last but not the least my favourite blogger and my very good friend @ Rachana.. for writing such nice words that I may not deserve even. It fills my heart with so much of happiness when I read your comments and the fact you took out time to read what I wrote..
    Thanks friends, I promise would keep writing and will try to be better each time..

    And in the end I specially want to thanks @ Rachana for such awesome feedback and for the very reason that writing a love story was your idea 😉

    and @ Meena ma'm: don't know why I just loved it so much when I read your comments.

    Love you all for your love, care and support for my work and me 🙂


  5. I feel things are just about breaking ice. Rahul, this is again very beautifully written…no doubt about that. Very touchy.
    This reminds me of a bengali movie that I saw recently “Antaheen”. Do watch it. I am sure u'll love it.


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